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News from the future: the Republican majority

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March, 19, 2025 – Washington, D.C.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-KY, says he will introduce legislation to revoke the right of same-sex Americans to marry, a move that would echo the recent House of Representatives vote to take that right away from gay people.

McConnell made his remarks at a meeting of American Christian Women for President Trump, a conservative group led by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA). McConnell also hinted that he is prepared to reinstate laws prohibiting gays and transgendered people from serving in the U.S. military.

“Sooner or later, we Republicans have to steer our great country back onto the high road of morality and decency,” McConnell said. “And now that we have the presidency as well as big majorities in both Houses of Congress, we’re going to do just that. These alphabet people better look out.”

In the November, 2024 elections, Republicans regained control of the Senate when they won 8 seats, while in the House, a Republican gain of 42 seats gave them their first majority since 2017. That election also brought President Donald Trump back into the White House, giving Republicans near-total control of the government.

LGBTQ leaders reacted to McConnell’s remarks with distress. “This represents a crushing blow to 20 million LGBTQ Americans,” said former internationally-acclaimed wine critic Steve Heimoff. “We will be bringing our grievances into the streets.”

President Trump, reached on his golf course in Bedminster, NJ, praised his party’s efforts to restrict marriage to opposite sexes. “Everybody knows there’s never been a more family-values president than me,” he said. “I’m proud of the Republicans for being pro-family, pro-America and anti-Antifa.” Trump added that he will push for a Constitutional amendment banning same-sex couples from adopting children. “God meant for our precious babies to be brought up by straight people, not perverts,” he said.

In other news, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy said his caucus will introduce legislation to defund all U.S. government underwriting of alternative-fuels, including wind, solar and hydroelectric. “America was founded on coal and oil, and that’s where we’re staying.” He called global warming “a Democrat hoax” and accused Democrats of “selling our birthright to terrorists and rapists.” McCarthy said other GOP priorities include quitting the Paris Climate Accords, which former President Biden rejoined in 2021, and leaving the World Health Organization, which he called “a front for socialist cancel culture.”

Republicans were overjoyed by McConnell’s anti-LGBTQ remarks. “Finally, America has been returned by Almighty God to true spiritual leadership,” said the Rev. Franklin Graham. Sen Ted Cruz (R-TX) said that Christians could be proud of the job President Trump is doing. “As everybody knows, President Trump is one of the great Christian leaders, possibly the greatest since Jesus Christ himself. Frankly, I doubt that anyone else has the will power and strength to resist the incursion of the Democrat, Satan, on our country.”

Polls suggest that Americans on the whole continue to support gay marriage, although that support appears to be slipping since the November elections. The Gallup Organization reported that 54% of Americans are in favor of gay marriage, down from 61% last October. Support among Republicans is only 4%, while Democrats support gay marriage by 76% to 24% opposed.

Taylor Greene meanwhile announced that her House Christian-White Caucus is working on legislation to restore all Confederate names and statues in places where they have been removed. “I ask you why in God’s name Stonewall Jackson should not have an honored place in the State Capitols of America,” she said. “Just because he owned slaves doesn’t make him a bad person.” She confirmed reports that she is working on obtaining funding from private sources to have Donald Trump’s visage added to the Mount Rushmore National Memorial. “In my opinion and that of most decent Americans, President Trump was a greater president than any of them. He deserves to be honored and adored.”

In related news, the former Joint Committee to Investigate the Causes of the Jan. 6 Insurrection, which began under former Speaker Nancy Pelosi, has changed its name to the Joint Committee to Celebrate the Jan. 6 Freedom Festival. Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) introduced legislation to make Jan. 6 a national holiday. “We ought to recognize the specialness of this date, which is comparable to July 4 in the history of America,” he said in a statement. President Trump’s Attorney-General, Ron DeSantis, said that all persons convicted of participating in the Jan. 6, 2020 event will be issued pardons. “These patriots need to have their names cleared forever,” he announced, adding, “The true insurrectionists is [sic] the Antifa-gay-terrorist-atheist cult of pedophiles and baby murderers who follow Hillary Clinton. We will find them whatever rock they try to hide under.” The Associated Press reported that thousands of new holding cells are being erected at the U.S. base in Guantanamo, Cuba, apparently in anticipation of an infusion of political prisoners from the U.S. They added that voter registration records “are being examined in 40 States” and that registered Democrats “will be required to identify themselves before special Tribunals appointed by Republican elected officials.”

Asked whether this constitutes “a crackdown” on Democrats, Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) replied that “It is not a crackdown because, well, it’s not if we say it isn’t.” He said that, while being a Democrat “is not necessarily a crime, it is unnatural, and we Republicans were elected to reject this sick form of racial and ethnic interposition and nullification in the words of our great President Trump.” Paul said that special Republican “Decency Squads” are being organized across the country to ensure compliance with “Republican-Christian values” and that President Trump’s daughter, Ivanka, a noted fashion designer, is designing uniforms for its members, who are expected to number at least 100,000. Asked what kinds of designs she has in mind, Ms. Trump said, “In all honesty, I haven’t got that far, but I do like the cut of those Waffen-S.S. Panzer uniforms. They’re kind of sexy, don’t you think?”

President Trump’s schedule for this week includes more golf at Bedminster. He is set to speak at a Wednesday rally of the Ku Klux Klan in Birmingham AL, and at the First Annual QAnon Qonvention, held at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Resort, on Friday. Entertainment at the event, the White House announced, will be provided by rocker Ted Nugent, actor Jon Voight and football star Tom Brady. The newly-formed Trump Boys & Girls Choir will sing their own special rendition of “The Horst Wessel Song.”

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