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Lifestyle coach, boyfriend charged in Capitol Insurrection


A Texas boyfriend-and-girlfriend couple, Elizabeth Rose Williams and Bradley Stuart Bennett, have been charged with a variety of crimes, after video caught them storming the Capitol as part of the Jan. 6 Insurrection.

Williams, according to her website, is a “lifestyle coach” who asks potential customers, “HOW CAN I BE A BLESSING TO YOU?” and offers a “free 30-minutes one-on-one coaching call.”

Bennett was quoted as saying on his Facebook page, following the riot, “”TODAY WAS A REVOLUTIONARY MESSAGE. WE WON’T GO AWAY. WE WILL FIND VICTORY!” has obtained an exclusive interview with the couple, who insist that they are innocent.

SH: I’d like to thank both of you for agreeing to this interview.

Elizabeth Rose Williams: Thank you. Brad and I just want to get our story out to the American people.

Bradley Stuart Bennett: With the lamestream media so leftwing and all, we knowed we could trust you, Steve.

SH: So, you’re charged with violent entry, disorderly conduct and knowingly entering a restricted building. What’s your response?

ERW: Well, first of all, there wasn’t nothing violent about what we did, or any of the other patriots. We were peaceful and loving.

BSB: The only violence I saw was from the Antifa instigators.

SH: You saw Antifa? How did you know they were Antifa?

BSB: I can always tell, bro.

ERW: Oh, me too. They was definitely Antifa. One of them had a Hillary button.

SH: And what about the charge of disorderly conduct?

BSB: That’s so bogus. I mean, we was, like, little kids lined up to sit on Santa’s lap. Everyone was, like, totally chill.

ERW: You had to be there, Steve.

SH: And the charge of entering a restricted building?

ERW: Well, our lawyer told us not to talk about that, but—

BSB: It’s our Capitol, dude! We built it, we paid for it, we own it! How the hell—

ERW: –Bradley—

BSB: Sorry, babe. I mean, how the heck can they tell us it’s “restricted”?

ERW: Besides, there wasn’t no sign saying that. The only sign I seen was for handicapped parking.

SH: Brad, according to social media, you posted positive things about QAnon, and several witnesses said that, right before you stormed the Capitol, you posed a video saying, “Patriots [going] to war!” that you since deleted.

BSB: What do you know about QAnon, Steve?

SH: Only what I read in the media.

BSB: The media. Huh. Like the failing New York Times? The lying Washington Post? That b***h, Rachel Weirdow, on MSNBC? Dude, you seriously have to unstick your head from the sand.

SH: Brad, you also said on your Facebook page that the number of protesters was “a million to two million people.” Isn’t that exaggerated?

BSB: I got proof. There’s this here app—

ERW: The lamestream media said we was only a couple thousand [people], but them’s the same liars who lied about President Trump’s, what you call it? Inauguration crowd, which was the biggest in History.

BSB: I’m tellin’ you, dude, that place was packed.

SH: And you also said, on Facebook, that there might have been, quote-unquote, “a few weirdos” among your crowd. What did you mean?

BSB: Well, in any large-scale gathering, you’re gonna have, like, maybe a child molester or freak.

SH: Like Viking Man, the Shaman?

ERW: Steve, don’t you go dissing him. He’s a good Christian.

SH: Elizabeth, on your lifestyle website, you ask the question, “What do you want to be remembered for 100 years from today?” Do you suppose that, in 2121, you’ll be remembered as the rightwing trump nutjob who tried to overthrow the U.S. government, and was complicit in the deaths of five people?

ERW: I won’t be. I can assure you of that. I will be remembered as the loving, peaceful lifestyle coach I am, a beautiful person who develops essential oils to purify the body and soul, who lived her life with intentionality, and helped people become today the person they want to be tomorrow.

BSB: Beautiful, man. Just beautiful.

SH: You two have been released from prison on bond, awaiting trial. Are you afraid of going to jail? You’re facing some pretty serious charges.

BSB: No, man. Not afraid. You know why?

SH: Why?

BSB: Because we in the right. Trump, he have our back.

ERW: We’ve been assured that President Trump and Donald, Jr. will protect us. They’ve even agreed to pay our legal bills.

SH: Who gave you those assurances?

BSB: Can’t tell you, dude. Confidential.

ERW: But we’ll be okay. We’re gonna win this fight against the radicals, the liberals, the socialist Islamic Jew homos that is trying to take down America and keep it from being the White Christian Nation Jesus wants it to be!

BSB: Word.

SH: Well, thank you very much, Elizabeth and Brad, and good luck to you!

BSB: Bless you, bro.

ERW: And, Steve, let me know if you need any lifestyle coaching. To be honest, you look like you do.

SH: I’ll be sure to, Elizabeth!

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