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From the Personal Diary of Margaret (Mrs. Duncan) Hunter

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Dear Diary,

It’s so unfair! I mean, these silly allegations about Dunky and myself. Like we did something everybody else doesn’t! What’s the big deal? It was just some a garage door, a bathing suit, a plane ticket on coach—nothingburgers, for crying out loud! And now these lousy Democrats are acting like we broke into Fort Knox.

You know, it’s not easy being a politician’s wife. Dunky could have made a lot of money—and I mean a lot—if he’d gone into mall development, like some of his friends wanted him to. Or he could have stayed in the Marines and probably ended up as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

But my Dunky wanted to help the people! He was raised with the Christian idea that public service is a man’s highest calling. So he ran for Congress when his daddy, Duncan L., retired, and he won big, because the people saw how much he cared for them. My Dunky sacrificed big money in order to serve in politics, and what does he get for it? An indictment!

People don’t realize that Congressmen aren’t rich. All Dunky was paid was a measly $174,000 a year. Peanuts. Imagine trying to maintain two homes on that, in two super-expensive places, Washington D.C. and Lakeside, California. All the entertaining, the travel expenses, and a Congressman’s wife can’t just schlep around in sweatpants, she has to dress expensively as befits her husband’s station! And it’s not just her clothes, she has to look good too, which is why I bought all those cosmetics at Bloomingdale’s. What, I’m supposed to get my makeup at Costco?

The Democrats are saying we spent campaign funds to go to Hawaii on a vacation. Some vacation that turned out to be! It rained the entire two weeks. Dunky got food poisoning from the tuna poke, and my Christian Louboutin Gipsybooties were ruined from the sand. There’s $1,195 down the drain!

So we used a little creative accounting to pay for it all. So what? Like those damned Democrats never did anything wrong? That witch, Hillary Clinton, and her husband (I won’t even say his name) stole millions from the Federal treasury, only their corrupt liberal judges and that crooked Department of Justice covered up for them. But when a conservative like my Dunky and me borrow a teensy-weensy little bit of money for stuff his salary won’t cover, everybody’s up in arms! Well, excuse me!

Now the veterans are all mad at Dunky because we took a few dollars that were supposed to go to wounded warriors and spent them on us. Allegedly! Well, nobody cares for veterans more than my Dunky. After all, he is a vet! Don’t you hate these politicians who never served in the military criticizing real vets? They’re almost always Democrats, like that awful John “Swift Boat” Kerry and that turncoat McCain. I’ll tell you, Dunky has done more for vets than that draft-dodging Obama ever did. Obama hated vets, because they love America and he hates America. Which is just what you’d expect from a Muslim terrorist who was born in—where was it?—Timbuktoo or Biafra or some such African shithole.

Well, Dunky is not going to quit! He’s not a quitter! He’s not going to let the libtard snowflakes drive him from office, the way they’re trying to drive our great President Trump out. No way! It’s the same people every time: haters like the New York Times, Jeff Sessions, that dyke Rachel Maddow and Pocahontas. They bit off more than they can chew when they went after my husband!

And now our own hometown paper, the Union-Tribune, is calling on him to resign. Of all the nerve! I always said that liberal rag belongs in San Fag-cisco, not a fine, decent military city like San Diego. Well, Dear Diary, it’s obvious the Union-Tribune has joined the rigged witch hunt. What is happening to our country? It’s not like it used to be, with all these criminals coming across the border and liberals destroying our Christian values. #Sad. But Dunky and I are going to fight this all the way, and you know what? We’re going to win, and there’s going to be a Red Wave this November!

 

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