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No W.H. chaos! Plus, Mooch is looking for a job

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Donald J. Trump ‏Verified Twitter account @realDonaldTrump

Highest Stock Market EVER, best economic numbers in years, unemployment lowest in 17 years, wages raising, border secure: No WH chaos!

9:51 a.m. President fires W.H. Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci on advice of Chief of Staff Gen. Kelly

“No WH chaos!”

White House plumbing system goes down, toilets overflow

“No WH chaos!”

Washington Monument falls over, crushes West Wing

“No WH chaos!”

Aliens land in Rose Garden, kidnap entire staff

“No WH chaos!”

Twelve billion cockroaches invade Oval Office

“No WH chaos!”

Bankruptcy court rules Trump owes U.S. Treasury $100 billion

“No WH chaos!”

Mueller: “I am indicting President Trump for obstruction of justice and misprision of treason.”

“No WH chaos!”

Vladimir Putin: “I am releasing the sex tapes from that dossier of President Donald J. Trump in that Moscow hotel.”

“No WH chaos!”

Gen. Kelly resigns, says situation “just too weird for me”

“No WH chaos!”

Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell, joint statement: “We urge President Trump to resign or face the certainty of impeachment.”

“No WH chaos!”

Trump’s hair starts eating his scalp

“No WH chaos!”

Gigantic sinkhole opens up under White House, swallows everything

“No WH chaos!”

And now, this just in:

Resume – Anthony Scaramucci

  1. Last Job: White House Communications Director. July 23, 2017 – Aug. 1, 2017

Duties: Did a lot of stuff for POTUS. Performed an incredible job, inspired nation, looked great on T.V.

Reason for leaving: Seeking greater opportunities.

  1. Next-to-last job: Entrepreneur-investor, 2001-2017. Made a gazillion dollars flipping real estate in New York City.

Reason for leaving: To become White House Communications Director.

I am seeking a fulltime position that utilizes my amazing talents:

  1. Super-hot dude
  2. Colorful language
  3. Good with children
  4. Able to bench press 175 lbs
  5. Snappy dresser
  6. Can toss a pizza round while singing the libretto from Aida
  7. Once had a perfect score at pinball
  8. Perfect hair

Compensation: Negotiable.

Contact: Mooch at Pennsylvania Ave. Starbucks. I am the handsome dude eating the pesto panini.

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