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The secret Pence-Kushner tapes

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[Vice-President Mike Pence recently visited Jared Kushner, Trump’s son-in-law and point man on the Middle East, in Kushner’s 14-room penthouse apartment on the 51st floor of Trump Tower. I was fortunate to obtain a secret tape recording of that conversation from a source who requested anonymity because he was not authorized to release it.]

MP: Nice view.

JK: Yeah. That’s Central Park and Fifth Avenue. See that building over there—the pinkish one? That’s where Jackie Kennedy lived. And Nixon lived just down the block.

MP: I love the décor here.

JK: Thanks. Can’t take credit for it. That’s Ivanka. I’m a total moron when it comes to furniture. It’s basically Regency, with Asian influences—or so she tells me!

MP: You and me are going to be working together on this Middle East thing, Jared, so I thought we should get to know where each of us is coming from.

JK: Right.

MP: You know, I’m an evangelical Christian; they’re my people. We voted for your father-in-law in overwhelming numbers, and so we have to stay true to them and give them what they want.

JK: Which is–?

MP: I’m not sure how well-acquainted you are with the Bible.

JK: The Old Testament, I’m pretty good at! The New, not so much.

MP: Well, in short, if you read everything—from Genesis to Thessalonians to the Book of Revelations—it’s clear that the Rapture and the Second Coming of Jesus cannot happen until Israel is united and its capital is in Jerusalem and it wins a war against “the beast,” which obviously is Islamic terrorism.

JK: I’ve heard about that from some of my friends. You know, Mike, I’m an Orthodox Jew. I don’t believe in the Second Coming of Jesus, obviously, but in the meanwhile, we share some common interests.

MP: Exactly. We both want a strong Israel with its capital in Jerusalem. And we both want to defend Israel against any and all threats—which is exactly what your father-in-law has promised to do, unlike Obama, who basically sided with the terrorists.

JK: Thing is, Mike, when you think about it, ultimately our interests are going to diverge.

MP: What do you mean, Jared?

JK: Well, you evangelicals are going to want to convert us Jews to Christians, which is something that’s not going to happen.

MP: It’s true that we think you’re missing out on God’s plan. And you won’t get into Heaven unless you accept Jesus as Lord. But, Jared, that conversation is a long way off. Maybe years; we don’t have to have it yet. So let’s not get hung up on it. By the way—do you ever talk to your father-in-law about religion?

JK: Nah. There was some blowback back when Ivanka and I started dating, but mainly from my folks. Donald’s cool.

MP: He seems like a good Christian man.

JK: Actually, he’s kind of a non-believer, to tell you the truth.

MP: Really? I thought he was a strong Christian. That’s what he said when he gave that speech at Jerry Falwell’s college.

JK: Well, look who he was talking to.

[both laugh]

JK: So, Mike, when do you think your Rapture is going to happen, anyway?

MP: Who knows? I thought it would in 2011. Matter of fact, my wife, Karen, and I actually bought some survival supplies and were planning to drive up to Northern Ontario in October of that year, after a very great Biblical scholar predicted the end of the world. Course, it didn’t happen. Instead, Obama got re-elected, which, in its own way, was the end of the world.

[both laugh]

JK: Not as it turned out!

[both laugh]

MP: So, until push comes to shove, we’re on the same side on this one.

JK: Awesome! Let’s toast to that. I have some 2003 Cristal.

MP: No thanks, Jared, I don’t drink. That’s Champagne, isn’t it?

JK: Right. The best.

MP: I didn’t know it was kosher.

JK: It’s not. [giggles] At home, Karen and I are a little more relaxed.

MP: Who isn’t?

JK: Anyhow – good talking with you, Mike.

MP: You too, Jared.

JK: Call me Mr. Kushner, Mike. And please don’t refer to the President anymore as my “father-in-law.” He’s “The President.”

MP: Understood…Mr. Kushner.

JK: Just kidding!

[both laugh]

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