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Trump’s bladder issues: Is he ready to be President?

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Donald Trump has to go to the bathroom so frequently, according to reports from both his Secret Service detail and inner circle, that his schedule needs to be constantly readjusted to keep up with his needs.

“It’s unbelievable,” one Secret Service agent, who did not wish to be identified for obvious reasons, told the Tallahassee News, which broke the story. “It’s like every 15 minutes. Even in a motorcade, he’ll stop at every gas station along the way. If there’s no facility available, he’ll go behind a bush, and we have to flank him to make sure nobody sees.”

According to a campaign staffer, who similarly requested anonymity, Trump’s urinary requirements have been given the highest priority of all his needs during the campaign. “More than food, more than sleep, more than sex,” the staffer told radio station WOR-AM, in New York City. “It’s directly from Kellyanne [Conway]. She told us at a meeting that, no matter what else was going on, we have to make sure Mr. Trump gets his bathroom breaks.”

The staffer said that aides who travel with Trump are forced to carry portable “pee bottles” for him to use inside his limousine, if no convenient rest stop can be found. “His favorite is the Little John Portable Urinal,” the staffer said, adding, “How would you like to have to schlep that thing around?”

portapee

The GOP candidate long has been rumored to have bladder or kidney problems. During his contentious breakup with his first wife, Ivanka, Trump’s “sanitary habits” were referred to in their divorce court proceedings, but the specifics of the problem were never publicly revealed.

Trump’s second wife, Marla Maples, whom he divorced in 1999, told an interviewer that living at Mar-a-Lago, Trump’s mansion in Palm Beach, Florida, was “like living in a pissoir.” Asked to explain what she meant, Maples said, “Let’s just say, the dog has better manners than The Donald.”

Overactive bladder syndrome (OBS) is the general name given to the need to urinate with great frequency. It can have various causes: bacterial infection of the bladder, stress, Parkinson’s disease, sexually-transmitted diseases, or obesity. According to the National Institutes of Health, OBS is one of the most commonly diagnosed medical conditions in older Americans. (Mr. Trump is 70.) The condition is not considered especially serious, although it can require the use of a uretic catheter. It is not known if Mr. Trump uses a catheter.

During the Republican primaries, one of Mr. Trump’s top opponents, Florida Senator Marco Rubio, hinted at Trump’s bladder problems during a debate in Dallas. “Let me tell you, during one of the breaks — two of the breaks — he went backstage. Then he asked for a full-length mirror.” Rubio added, “I don’t know why, because the podium goes up to here. Maybe he was making sure his pants weren’t wet.”

A television network news reporter, embedded in the Trump campaign for most of the past year, told the Associated Press that Trump’s toilet habits are common knowledge among the press. “Nobody really wants to talk about it, for fear of being tossed off the campaign. But we see it every day, or multiple times every day. Trump will be schmoozing, or working a rope line, whatever, and all of a sudden he’ll be whisked away by security for five minutes or so, only to have the same thing happen again 15 minutes later.”

A spokesperson for the Clinton campaign, speaking off the record, suggested that Trump’s urinary incontinence could impact his ability to be President. “Can you imagine him in high-level negotiations with Putin or [Chinese President] Xi? The President of the United States is skipping off to the men’s room every 15 minutes while foreign leaders wait? Or maybe he’ll do it right into his pee bottle. I wouldn’t put it past him.”

The Trump campaign did not respond to repeated requests from this blog for comment. Trump has so far resisted releasing his medical history, along with his tax records.

Tomorrow: Back to wine!

  1. It’s impossible to piss in tbe corner of the oval office.

  2. Csaba: Good point!

  3. Was there a HoseMaster of Wine™-like pun opportunity missed here?:

    “If there’s no facility available, he’ll go behind a bush [Bush], and we have to flank him to make sure nobody sees.”

    Or maybe the phrase “Pee No Envy”?

    Just sayin’ . . . (not that I comment on politics).

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