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An interview with Karen

2 comments has obtained an exclusive interview with Karen, her first ever on a blog. Karen, who requested that I not publish her last name since she’s afraid of reprisals from liberals, is a housewife in a small midwestern town. During our chat, her three young children were playing a rambunctious make-believe shooting game, while the family Rottweiler chased after them barking. She gave me coffee and toast with jam as we chatted.

SH: Karen, tell us a little about yourself.

K: I’m just a normal, American housewife, happily married and raising three great kids in the suburbs. I’m concerned about our country losing its ways.

SH: What do you mean by “losing its ways”?

K: Well, you know. It’s mainly the Communism, or what have you.

SH: Communism?

K: Yes. Like they have in Cuba, or China. We don’t want that kind of atheism here. At least, I don’t.

SH: How do you see Communism invading our country?

K: Oh, you know, the Democrat Party.

SH: Please explain.

K: Well, like Hillary Clinton’s emails. You know? And that business about Ben—how do you say it?

SH: Benghazi.

K: Exactly. And Obama being born in Africa, which is a Communist country. And doesn’t that Nancy Pelosi have a Chinese husband?

SH: I don’t think so.

K: Well, somebody on Hannity said something like that.

SH: Karen, I have to ask you about something controversial.

K: I know. “The Karen thing.”

SH: Your name has become a meme for an entitled white woman who demands that everything go her way. What do you think about that?

K: So unfair. I’ll tell ya, Steve, I’m nothing of that kind. I’m a decent, God-fearing Christian woman who would give a colored person the clothes off her back. And I’m talking Isaac Mizrahi, not Kmart.

SH: How do you think “the Karen thing” started?

K: Well, all I know is that, approximately two years ago, I was shopping at Dillard’s, you know, the one down in Middleton, because with Spring coming I wanted a sleeveless top in a pretty color, like robin’s egg or lilac, and they were having a sale. I could have found something on QVC but, to tell you the truth, it was such a nice day, and the kids were driving me crazy, so I told Brittany—that’s my oldest, you know—to keep an eye on her sisters and I’d be back in a couple hours. And I’m in Dillard’s but I can’t find the item I’m looking for, and I know it has to be there because it’s displayed in the front window. So I go to the clerk in “Women’s Petite”—I’m a size 2, you know—and I asked her for help but she was kind of snitty, you know how these store clerks can be, and she said if the item was all sold out, then it was all sold out. Well, I didn’t like her attitude at all, I can tell you that! So I asked to see her manager.

SH: Yes, that was the incident than ended up on Sixty Minutes.

K: Exactly.

SH: The clerk was Black, right?

K: Yes, but that had nothing to do with anything. It was her attitude. And Sixty Minutes made me out like a monster!

SH: The manager sided with the clerk, as I recall. She said the item was no longer in stock.

K: Then why did they display it in the window? That’s what I wanted to know. “This is unacceptable!” I told her.

SH: The manager was an Asian woman, right?

K: Yes. And it is not true that I told her to go back where she came from! I did inform her that Dillard’s would lose my business because of their unprofessionalism, and I would tell all my friends not to shop there either. Well, the manager got very huffy and said I was free to leave the store and take my business elsewhere. I thought that was so disrespectful! “I don’t work for you, missy,” I told her, “you work for me!” Well, evidently the whole thing was caught on a security camera, because the next thing I know, I get a call from a Sixty Minutes producer, and suddenly I’m famous.

SH: You told the New York Times you thought you were the victim.

K: Of course! How would you feel? I mean, I wasted an hour in that store because of their false advertising. My husband, Chad, was so embarrassed by all the publicity, and my kids were being bullied at school. That’s when I sat down and wrote a letter to Melania.

SH: Melania Trump, who at the time was First Lady.

K: Precisely. Such a beautiful woman, too, so poised and dignified—unlike her predecessor, if you know what I mean. And it was amazing, because Mrs. Trump actually sent me back a personal letter, saying if I was ever in Washington, would I have tea with her? But that was right before the election, you know, the rigged one that Mr. Biden “won,” quote-unquote. So I never did get to the White House.

SH: Well, now that you’ve become a meme, what’s your life like?

K: Well, I’ll tell ya. I’ve been approached by some very powerful people who are urging me to run for Congress here in the District.

SH: Your District is already represented by a conservative Republican.

K: Well, I don’t know how conservative he really is. He voted to fund school lunches, which as you know is a form of Communist reparations.

SH: How do you know that?

K: Oh, it was on Laura Ingraham. Actually—and don’t quote me on this, please, it’ll get me in trouble!—our current Representative is, in my opinion, a Communist.

SH: He’s a Presbyterian who teaches Sunday School.

K: It’s a front. And his wife is—can you believe it?—Asian. Don’t you think it’s time to Make America Great Again?

SH: Well, Karen, I’m afraid we’re out of time. But I’d like to thank you for giving me your first-ever interview on a blog.

K: Well, thank you, and bless you. You have no idea how troubling this whole thing has been to me and my family. I just hope you let your readers know what a nice person I really am! And, honey, if you’re ever back this way, be sure to let me know!

  1. Cheryl Termo says:

    Steve! This is GREAT!

  2. Glad you like it!

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