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The Trial of Josh Hawley

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Wednesday, June 14, 2021

The floor of the United States Senate. Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer presiding. He speaks into the microphone to galleries packed with spectators and media.

Sen. Schumer: Good morning. The Senate is today assembled to hear evidence in the trial of Senator Joshua Hawley, of Missouri, on charges of Treason against the United States of America; of conspiring with Domestic Enemies of America to conduct an illegal coup d’état against this country; and of spreading False Information in order to undermine the laws of the United States. We will first hear evidence of Sen. Hawley’s crimes, as alleged in the indictment, from United States Senator, the Reverend Raphael Warnock, of Georgia. Senator Warnock.

Sen. Warnock: Thank you. Majority Leader Schumer. We are here today to hear evidence of Sen. Hawley’s crimes. Do I hear any objection to these proceedings going forward?

Sen. Mitch McConnell: Object.

Sen. Schumer: Objection being heard, the Senators will now vote on the motion. The clerk will read the motion.

Senate Clerk: All those in favor of this Trial going forward will vote Aye by electronic device. All those in favor of this Trial not going forward will vote Nay by electronic device.

(Several minutes pass as Senators vote)

Senate Clerk: The tally of electronic votes now having been completed, the final result is 60 votes in favor of the motion, 40 against.

Sen. Schumer: The Trial will proceed.

Sen. Cruz: I rise to object to the manner in which this vote was conducted, Mr. President.

Sen. Schumer: What is the nature of the Senator’s objection?

Sen. Cruz: I just don’t like it. Biden stole this election. It was rigged, and everyone in this room knows it.

Sen. Ossoff: I object.

Sen. Schumer: To what purpose does the senior Senator from Georgia object?

Sen. Ossoff: This is just more obstruction on the part of Republicans angry that their side lost a decisive election. I move that this Trial begin immediately.

Sen. Schumer: I so order this Trial to begin.

[Clamor and mayhem on the Floor. Republican Senators hoot and shout. “Fraud, fraud!”]

Sen. Schumer: [banging his gavel repeatedly] Order! Order! Senators will return to their desks and be silent! I will order the Senate Police to remove anyone who attempts to interfere with these orderly proceedings!

[The Senate calms down]

Sen. Warnock: The evidence, my fellow Senators, is overwhelming. Sen. Hawley is fully aware that there was no fraud in the recent election—fully aware that the Governors and Secretaries of State of Georgia, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Arizona and Wisconsin, many of whom are Republicans, have repeatedly certified the results of the election, namely the election of President Biden. The Courts have consistently rejected any interpretation to the contrary, with the United States Supreme Court unanimously rejecting Texas’s absurd motion to challenge the electoral results in four States. And yet, Sen. Hawley, in obedience to a rogue, defeated President, Donald J. Trump, is attempting to overturn the results of a legal election, in defiance of the laws of the United States of America. Sen. Hawley is a coup plotter. This Senate has a Constitutional duty to find him guilty. I rest my case.

(Senate Democrats applaud and hurrah.)

Sen. Cruz: I rise to defend Sen. Hawley. We all know this election was a fraud. We’ve been told by no less than President Trump himself, who has access to all the information and knows, I might suggest, more than anyone in this room. The votes in Pennsylvania, Georgia, Michigan, Arizona and Wisconsin went overwhelmingly for President Trump. But Democrats, working from a sinister plan, planted hundreds of thousands of fake mail-in ballots. Sen. Hawley is to be praised for his patriotism!

Sen. Graham: I wish to associate myself with the eloquent remarks of my colleague, Sen. Cruz.

(The Senate votes 60-38 to find Sen. Hawley guilty. Eight Republicans vote with all 52 Democrats. Two abstain.)

Sen. Schumer: The defendant will rise. (Hawley stands.) The Senate orders Joshua Hawley to be expelled from the U.S. Senate immediately, for cause. The Senate further sentences Joshua Hawley to serve a term in the Federal Penitentiary at Leavenworth for a period of not less than forty years for his crimes. The Senate furthermore fines Joshua Hawley in the amount of $4.5 million. This Trial is adjourned. Mr. Hawley’s name is forever shunned. His family will forever be embarrassed.

(Later, ex-President Donald Trump is interviewed on the 18th hole of his golf course in Bedminster, New Jersey. With Trump is his BFF, Lindsay Graham.)

Reporter: Mr. President! What do you think of the Hawley Trial?

Trump: It should have been Crooked Hillary. Why didn’t they go after her emails? Benghazi! And Obama: everybody knows he was born in Africa! Jail that RINO, Brian Kemp! They lied about my inaugural crowd, the biggest in history. I never paid any hush money. I’m running in 2024. You can donate money to We will contest this Fake Election and we will win!

Sen. Graham: I associate myself fully with the remarks from President Trump!

  1. Bob Rossi says:

    If only!

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