Hannity interviews Trump

SH: Mister President, it’s great to have you.

DT: Great to be here, Sean. Great show last night.

SH: Thank you. Sir, you deleted the “white power” tweet you had previously retweeted. Why did you delete it?

DT: Well, to be honest, I didn’t retweet it. That was an aide of mine.

SH: Who?

DT: Mike Pence. He has access to my twitter feed. Well, “had” access. I’ve since restricted him.

SH: Are you throwing the vice president under the bus?

DT: What bus? I don’t see a bus.

SH: It’s a saying, sir.

DT: And besides, I’m not in favor of white power. I’ve always said “People power.” That’s blue, purple, what have you. And orange. I like orange. As you know, Sean.

SH: Uhh—

DT: That’s the thing. But we’re making America great again, Sean. Greater than it’s ever been, greater than under President Jackson. With the new border wall and all that. And the respect of our friends and foes around the globe. America has never been more respected.

SH: The European Union just required all American travelers to quarantine themselves for 14 days. Does that concern you?

DT: Not really. There are lots of other nice countries besides Europe. My two oldest boys, Don, Jr. and Eric, are leaving next week for Africa to do some hunting. Some very lovely parks there, I’m told.

SH: What about the report that Putin is paying bounties to the Taliban to kill American soldiers?

DT: That’s not what I hear.

SH: Well, it’s in all the news reports. The New York Times reported that you were briefed on this.

DT: The failing New York Times, or as I call it, the enemy of the people.

SH: But were you briefed?

DT: Look, every morning they shove this massive pile of papers at me and expect me to read the whole damn thing. Most of it is made up. You know, I have liberals on my intelligence team. I’d like to fire them but I can’t. At least, not yet. We’re going to root them out. We’re–

SH: Even my network, Fox, reported that your President’s Daily Brief reported on that.

DT: Nobody watches Fox anymore! Too liberal. What the hell happened to you folks anyhow? You’ve been drinking the Kool-Aid, Sean. To be honest, I watch Sinclair now. That’s real news. And they haven’t said anything about this lie. What I did learn is that Crooked Hillary apparently has connections to Al Qaeda.

SH: Really? Can you tell us more?

DT: Stay tuned. This is big. It’s gonna blow Watergate out of the water. And many people are saying Sleepy Joe Biden has dementia.

SH: I’ve heard that.

DT: You ought to report on it, Sean. I mean, do you really want someone senile to be your president? And that wife of his. People call her “Crazy witch doctor Jill.” You know, they say she’s the power behind the scenes; he’s just a puppet.

SH: Speaking of wives, sir, how’s the First Lady doing?

DT: Oh, she’s great. Great. Working hard on her cause, which is—uh, which is—You know, she’s great, such an icon, setting an example for our great American fashion industry.

SH: She is very beautiful, sir.

DT: The most beautiful First Lady ever, they say. Aren’t you glad we don’t have dogs like Michelle and Laura Bush anymore? That was disgraceful. When we moved into the White House, Melania had the living quarters de-contaminated. You wouldn’t believe the mess those people left behind. Dirt everywhere, scratches, graffiti, lice, chicken bones.

SH: Many of the polls have you behind Vice President Biden, in some cases by double digits. Does that concern you?

DT: Not at all. When Sleepy Joe emerges from his basement and the American people see what a slobbering idiot he is, they’ll vote for me. They want to anyway, it’s just that the Fake Media has been feeding them lies. Like this coronavirus crap. It’s the Chinese virus, Sean. Chinese, as in China. Get it? Kung Fu, communism, dictatorship, the yellow peril. Chinese, Sean. China. They’re backing Biden because they know he’ll sell out America. Frankly when the people of Pennsylvania, Michigan and Ohio voted for me and all the so-called pundits said I’d lose I was telling people the truth about Crooked Hillary’s emails, and we now know that the traitor, Mueller or as I call him “Duller,” was secretly working for the Clintons and he was hoping to be appointed Secretary of State or some other high position. The fix was in, Sean. It was treason and they were and are traitors. But to answer your question, look at who’s doing these polls. Leftwing, liberal, in many cases socialist companies with terrorist ties. You can’t trust them. They’re making it up. And when I finish telling the American people the truth, we’re going to win this election in a landslide.

SH: You’ve been accused of using coronavirus as an excuse to cancel elections or slow them down.

DT: You mean the China virus? Call it what it is, Sean. The China virus is a threat to all Americans but it’s not as serious as the Democrats say because they want to defeat Donald Trump and look, the number of cases is going down—

SH: Actually, sir, it’s going up.

DT: That’s more fake news. Breitbart—a great news organization—reported on this yesterday, or last week. The curve looks like this [he holds his arm down at a 45-degree angle]. We have met this Chinese invasion the greatest since any administration ever before and that includes World War Two and while I am your president I will not allow the Chinese to invade our country with their Chinese virus or what some people call the Kung flu, which by the way why did Michelle Obama go to China last month? What do we really know? Who did she have secret meetings with? That’s something you should report, Sean, get to the bottom of it.

SH: Mister President, sir, you’ve suffered some Supreme Court losses in the past few weeks.

DT: Well, we’ll see, Sean.

SH: I mean, on gay rights, on Dreamers, and other things.

DT: Look, nobody’s been more of a friend to the Blacks than me. Look at their unemployment! They’re so much better off under me and they know it. Everyday, I have Black people come up to me and say, “Thank you, Mister President, for making my life better.” Because they know it. I pray with Black people. I’ve had supper with Black people. Black people serve me supper in the White House! I know these people. They’re good people. Not like these looters and rioters. They want to defund the police! Can you imagine that? You’re getting raped, you manage to get your cell phone and dial 9-1-1, and you get a recording, “Sorry, that is not a working number. The police department doesn’t exist anymore. Call Black Lives Matter, maybe they’ll come to your rescue.” I mean, can you imagine a country with no police? America was founded by police! That’s what these Democrats want, crime everywhere. Look at these cities, Minneapolis, Oakland, Detroit. Shithole cities. Nobody wants to live there. And that’s why they’re going to vote for me. They know I’m tough on crime.

SH: Well, Mister President, we’re just about out of time. Any final thoughts?

DT: Sleepy Joe is a low IQ person! He’s paid by the Chinese. By China. The same China that invaded us with the Kung flu. Nobody votes for low IQ guys except Nancy Pelosi and she’s older than Sleepy Joe! Have you seen her lately? “Blah blah,” she’s practically drooling. I call her “Adult Diaper Nancy.” I will not permit our wonderful heritage monuments and statuary to be vandalized. We had some great people there. This is a wonderful country. I say to young people, do you want your job taken by some illegal immigrant? I’ve been tougher on Russia than anybody including George Washington or what have you. Sleepy Joe is corrupt. We have to end Obamacare and replace it with something far better. Are there any donuts in the green room?