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Even as states open up following the shelter-in-place due to COVID-19, experts are warning that the virus could mutate into something far more lethal.

“Viruses, and coronaviruses in particular, mutate all the time. There is a possibility that this novel coronavirus could mutate into the Andromeda Strain and kill tens of millions of Americans,” said Dr. Ralph Binghampton, professor of neurological biology at the University of Wisconsin, and a leading virus researcher.

“There’s no proof that coronavirus won’t mutate,” he said, adding, “Americans should take precautions now.”

The Andromeda Strain is a virus that turns human blood into sand, causing instant death. It last struck America in the Fall of 1976, when the small town of Piedmont, New Mexico was hit. Nearly the entire population of 1,700 was wiped out.

There’s already evidence that coronavirus is in the process of shedding its old skin and mutating. Dr. Francine Weinschlub, a sociology instructor at the University of Utah, points to cases in India that look suspiciously like the Andromeda Strain. “We don’t know exactly what it is until we’ve studied the virus’s structure. But we have to assume the worst!”

The New Dehli Times reported the unusual deaths earlier this week. Two women in the village of Rahjnapurdeesh allegedly dropped dead in the marketplace. When doctors autopsied them, pink-colored sand poured out. The local Mayor, Purdah Jimsomare, ordered an immediate curfew “to contain the spread of the Andromeda Strain.”

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the head of the Center for Infectious Diseases, Allergies and Phobias, said it is possible that the women died from Andromeda Strain. “The structure of the two viruses, coronavirus and Andromeda Strain, is very similar. All it would take is a tiny little molecular switch for it to turn from one into the other.”

At the White House, press secretary Kayleigh McEnany said President Trump is aware of the situation. “He’s monitoring the situation closely. But he feels there’s no need for alarm. Democrats overplayed the danger of the COVID-19, which can be cured by injecting Lysol into the veins, and now they’re going to overplay this fake Andromeda Strain. It’s in order to hurt the greatest President in American history.”

Meanwhile, COVID-19 continues to spread in the U.S., particularly in Red states. Alabama, Mississippi, North Dakota, Montana, Kentucky and Montana have been hard hit, with infection rates and deaths increasing exponentially in the last week. In Kentucky, the death toll topped 50,000 on Thursday, leading Sen. Rand Paul, an ophthalmologist, to declare, “President Trump’s war against coronavirus has been a tremendous success. Without it, we’d have millions of dead Kentuckians.”

Churches especially are witnessing death rates not seen in modern history. The Southern Baptist Convention announced that at least 1 million of its members have perished due to COVID-19. Asked if this had anything to do with permitting mega-churches to hold massive services despite warnings from public health officials, Luther Busbee, a SBC spokesman, said, “No. Those two phenomenons are unrelated.” He added, “If anything, God has protected our wonderful members from getting sick. God hates coronavirus and Democrats.”


Reports from the nation’s capital state that the White House is being evacuated due to a strange illness. Karen diFillippi, an Associated Press reporter covering President Trump, reports seeing bodies “lined up in the Rose Garden, being put into body bags by men in Hazmat suits.” Among the victims is said to be Trump advisor Stephen Miller. President Trump’s whereabouts are unknown. Melania Trump was seen rushing into a helicopter. Ivanka Trump, who was in New York City on a shopping trip, was heard telling a friend, “I just hope Melania remembered her Fendi peekaboo bag.”


President Trump is dead, according to witnesses in the White House who say they saw doctors packing the president’s body in ice. “He was eating a cheeseburger in the Oval [Office] one minute, and the next minute, he clutched his chest, said ‘I have a terrific heartache,’ and then he keeled over,” said one aide who asked not to be identified because he was not authorized to speak to the press.

Another aide said, “I heard that pink sand was dribbling out from his anus when he died.” This report could not be verified.

Vice President Mike Pence is said to be hunkering down in an undisclosed location. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said he had no comment. Maine Senator Susan Collins said she is injecting Lysol, and added that she is praying for the late President’s family. Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky) is said to be among the dead, who also include the entire Trump Cabinet and White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany.

Asked by reporters if He is targeting Republicans, and specifically Trump allies, with the new Andromeda Strain, God answered, “The facts speak for themselves.”

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