subscribe: Posts | Comments      Facebook      Email Steve

An interview with President Trump

0 comments is honored to publish this exclusive, one-on-one interview with President Trump. I spoke with him yesterday, in the Oval Office, with Gus.

Steve Heimoff: Thank you very much, Mister President.

President Trump: You’re welcome. What’s your dog’s name?

SH: Gus.

PT: I don’t like dogs.

SH: I know. I want to start by asking about your plan to lift the shelter-in-place order on Easter, and re-open the country for business as usual.

PT: Yeah, we have to get this economy going again, and those stocks back up. That’s the most important thing for me to get re-elected.

SH: Is it always about you?

PT: What else is there? You? Lol.

SH: Many public health officials say the most important thing is saving lives.

PT: We can walk and chew gum at the same time. We can re-open the economy and still fight the China virus.

SH: You’re the only person who calls it the China virus. The rest of the world calls it coronavirus.

PT: That’s where the virus comes from. China. It’s not from Corona. It’s the kung-flu virus.

SH: If the best way to fight the coronavirus—

PT: China virus.

SH: –is social distancing and staying home, as the scientists say, then we can’t re-open the economy and let people mingle.

PT: That’s fake news. You should stop watching that horrid MSNBC. Besides, most of those so-called scientists are card-carrying members of the Democrat Party. Look at that Fauci. I call him Tiny Tony. A liberal. You can’t trust anything they say.

SH: Do you concede that if you re-open the economy, more people will get sick and die?

PT: I’m not conceding anything. But let’s say for the sake of argument that there are a few more incidents of China virus. So what? It’s just a cold. You get the sniffles, then you get better. And besides, most of the people who are getting infected are Democrats.

SH: Really?

PT: Look at the map! New York, Seattle, San Francisco, Chicago, New Orleans, Jersey. All Democrat hellholes. By contrast, if you look at the places where there is no China virus, like Idaho, they’re Republican areas. So this China virus knows what it’s doing. It’s seeking out Democrats. Even a great American like Dinesh D’Souza says so.

SH: Granted that more Democrats are getting sick than Republicans, aren’t Democrats Americans, too?

PT: Who told you that?

SH: Nobody told me, it’s just common sense.

PT: Yeah, well, that’s not what Tucker Carlson told me.

SH: What did he tell you?

PT: He says Democrats aren’t real Americans.

SH: Then what are they?

PT: Communists.

SH: Aren’t you concerned about New York City? After all, you’re a New Yorker.

PT: Not anymore! I’m a proud Florida-er. I left New York because Bloomberg turned it into a Communist Democrat shithole.

SH: So you wouldn’t be troubled if you re-open the economy and Democrats start getting sick and dying?

PT: It’s called thinning the herd. Democrats, Mexicans, homosexuals, abortion doctors, Muslims, Sleepy Joe Biden, AOC, they’re all the same. We don’t want them in America.

SH: Who do we want, sir?

PT: Real Americans! Christians!

SH: Sir, you’ve never attended church in your life. You once told Page Six in the New York Post you didn’t believe in God, you believed in money.

PT: Lies! Who told you that? Liddle Adam Schiff?

SH: Another question, sir. In the bailout, will Trump companies get any money?

PT: You’re a terrible reporter. A Communist. Why don’t you go back to Russia? It’s people like you who hate America and want to drag us down. I bet you hang out with Obama and his terrorist pals. You better watch out. I have the military and the gun owners on my side.

SH: I thought you were the president of all Americans.

PT: I am! All real Americans! Christian Americans, Republican Americans, normal Americans. Now you’ll have to excuse me. I’m scheduled to be on Fox & Friends. Here’s an official White House pen. No, I won’t shake hands with you. You probably have the China virus. Now get the hell out of here, loser! And tell your friend Hunter Biden we’re coming after him!

SH: Thank you, Mister President.

Leave a Reply


Recent Comments

Recent Posts