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Pence: America must Christianize outer space



Vice President Michael Pence, in a speech to the Christian Broadcasting Network, said the U.S. “must establish space as Christian territory,” and vowed to launch the first “orbiting church” before the end of the President Donald J. Trump’s first administration.

Pence’s vision: an American-owned “First Christian Church of Outer Space.” The vehicle would measure 240 feet in width and 185 feet in height, making it bigger than the Crystal Cathedral, in Orange County.

Following up on Trump’s vow to establish a U.S. Space Force, Pence told the audience of evangelicals that it’s not enough for America to be the strongest military power in space. “We must also be the most religious power in space, and by that, I mean we must introduce Christianity to regions beyond our Earth, in Jesus’s name.”

Pence argued that Jesus is “King of everywhere, not just Earth,” and that his command to his disciples to “spread the word” was not limited to this planet. “Obviously, our Savior intended us to Christianize the world as we know it. Now that our knowledge extends beyond Earth to Outer Space, we must make that realm a Holy part of the Church, and bring God’s law to its infinite, atheistic reaches.”

 At a news conference following his speech, Pence was asked if the orbiting church would have all the usual accoutrements of a traditional church: pews, altar, statues, naves, even a steeple. “Yes, of course. Why not? That’s what God wants.” he replied. According to an official close to Pence, who asked not to be identified because he was not authorized to speak to the media, Pence has decided on a design for the orbiting church: a neo-Gothic-style structure, similar to the church Pence attends in Indiana, with stained-glass windows, that would orbit the Earth directly above the Equator, at an altitude of 22,000 miles.

The Orbiting Church, as envisioned by Mike Pence

Pence suggested that the first Reverend of the new orbiting church might be Donald Trump, Jr. The President’s elder son is expected to flee the U.S. in advance of being indicted by Special Counsel Robert Mueller. Asked what qualifications the younger Trump has to lead a Christian congregation, Pence replied, “That’s a stupid question. His father is our Leader, chosen by Jesus Christ personally to Make America Great Again. As goes the Father, so goes the Son.”

Pence also hinted that The Trump Organization might be contracted to construct the orbiting church. “The President has never built a church before, but he’s built hotels, resorts and condominiums, so I believe he’d do a great job. He only hires the best contractors, even when he doesn’t pay them.”

At her daily press briefing, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said she thought the church was “a great idea, and long overdue. As you know, America is the leading Christian country in the world, and President Trump, as a committed, lifelong Christian, believes that our leadership should extend to Outer Space, as the Vice President suggested.” When a reporter pointed out that building the church might lead to a “church space race,” Sanders replied, “I suppose you’d rather see a Mosque in Outer Space? A Bahai temple? A Wiccan shrine?”

Construction of the orbiting space church is expected to begin next year. NASA has not yet commented, but Pence said that many of the astronauts of the past have been “committed Christians,” and he expects NASA “to do the right thing and support President Trump’s efforts to bring Jesus Christ to the Heavens.”

The vice-president, in a moment of speculation, said he hopes the orbiting church will eventually be part of a “Christian community in Outer Space, a New Jerusalem, where we will send Christian Americans to colonize Outer Space in all directions. Imagine,” Pence continued, “Christian communities on Mars, Jupiter, and beyond. The whole Universe could be Christian.” Asked what the Christian colonizers would do if they came across intelligent life that practices a different religion, Pence said, “We’ll do what Christians have always done. We’ll preach the Gospel to them. But if they resist—as some have—we’ll just have to kill them, which is why President Trump is developing our Space Force. But we’ll do it with love: after all, as Christians, we hate the sin, not the sinner.”


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