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Trump Wins Schmobel Prize for Failure

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The Swedish Academy has announced it is awarding the Schmobel Prize for Failure to U.S. President Donald J. Trump.

Jens Kavaglia, the Academy’s chairman, said the prize was given “to recognize the extent of President Trump’s failure, in the collapse of his much-desired peace talks with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. President Trump, after repeatedly bragging about his achievement, now recognizes he has been out-foxed by Kim, and made into an international laughing stock.”

The prize is to be awarded in Schmockholm on June 9. The White House said Trump will attend.

At a hastily-called press briefing at the White House last night, press secretary Sarah Sanders Huckabee insisted that the president is not a loser. “This president is a winner!” she repeatedly said. “The fact that the summit has been canceled does not mean that he has lost. He has, in fact, won, because the real loser is Kim Jong Un. President Trump is a winner!”

Reaction among world leaders to Trump’s award was swift. “That American president is truly a moron!” tweeted French President Emmanuel Macron. German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s official statement said, “The Chancellor has always known that President Trump is an idiot, but we now know that he is a fool, as well.” Chinese President Xi Jinping, writing on the social media website BaioDin, called Trump “a monkey’s rear end” and suggested that, “If he does go to Schmockholm to pick up his prize, he should wear a clown outfit!”

 Among U.S. Congressional leaders, Republicans were swift to praise President Trump. “I think it’s great that he’s won the Schmobel Prize,” said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. “It’s a very great honor for him, for the First Lady, and for the American people!” House Speaker Paul Ryan said the president should be given credit for the failure of the summit. “It’s actually a good thing. I can’t explain exactly why, but if we keep saying it’s a good thing often enough, some people will start to believe it.”

Rightwing talk radio hosts also celebrated the award. “I can think of nothing more fitting for this great president than to be awarded with the Schmobel Prize,” said Rush Limbaugh. “This is the answer to the libtards who have opposed him since Day One. President Trump is a winner!” Alex Jones, on InfoWars, declared, “The Schmobel Prize is the most important in the world. Americans should thank God that the Swedish Academy has recognized and honored our greatest president ever, including Jesus Christ.”

This blog is privileged to have obtained an advance copy of the speech President Trump will deliver to the Academy on accepting the award.

“Thank you members of the Academy. I accept your award of the Schmobel Prize. It’s funny, liberals are saying I failed. Well, this is a major success, because if there had been a summit, it would have resulted in a bad deal for the U.S., the same kind of bad deal Obama gave us with the disastrous Iran deal. I promised to make America great again, and that’s what I’m doing. By walking away from this summit—which, by the way, I never wanted, but you knew that, right?—I am saving America from another bad deal. If I had thought the summit would have resulted in a good deal, I never would have canceled it. But I’d rather have no deal than a bad deal. Make sense? Summit = bad deal. No summit = good deal. So it’s not a failure at all. In fact, it’s a great success. A very, very great success. In fact, this may be my greatest success ever! Let me repeat that: My greatest success ever! And finally, to my Swedish hosts, I love your meatballs.”

[FLASH TO FOX NEWS]

Sean Hannity: “President Trump today achieved his greatest success ever with the cancellation of a summit that would have been a bad deal for America.”

Fox & Friends: “Mister President, thanks for joining us. Congratulations again on the Schmobel Prize, and for saving America from a bad deal. What a great success you achieved.”

Trump: “Thank you, Elizabeth. You know, I never wanted that summit. Right? You knew that.”

Steve Doocy: “Yes, Mister President. We knew you were right.”

Trump: “Don’t forget, I am the world’s greatest dealmaker! Nobody negotiates a better deal than me.”

Brian Kilmeade: “Mister President, Democrats are saying Kim outfoxed you on this. He looks good and you look like you lost.”

Trump: “This is a witch hunt! Spygate! Lock Hillary Up! The FBI is a rogue terror plot! NFL! Witch hunt! Rogue FBI! Witch hunt! Witch hunt!”

[Cut to Fox news control booth, to on-air anchors]: “Cut! Cut! End this rant now! Cut to commercial!”

Fade to Black.

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