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Having trouble “getting” social media? Welcome to SMOG!

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We are pleased to announce the launch of “Social Media Odd-vice from Gus [SMOG],” a new team of experts designed to help YOU and YOUR BUSINESS navigate the complicated world of digital communications.

Are you tired of not knowing how to maximize Twitter to increase ROI? Frustrated with not showing up on your friends’ Facebook feeds? Puzzled over not understanding why putting pictures up on Instagram isn’t resulting in increased sales? Tired of posting to pinterest and just getting porn? Sick of seeing everybody else but you achieve unbelievable success with social media? Fed up with everyone snickering behind your back because they’re all scoring 100 points on messaging while you’re stuck with an embarrassing 57?

In short, are you MAD AS HECK and you’ve had it UP TO HERE and are ready to grab the bull by the horns and hit it out of the park? With SMOG, you can slam that puck into the end zone and it’s all hands on deck for a woo-hoo glass of bubbly on your way to the Jackpot. Yes, with just 15 minutes of your time, you can make up to 1500% more, and all it takes is contacting Gus, who is standing by 23-6.

(Disclaimer:Agentsareauthorizedbyfederalandstatelawbutnotrequiredtoworksundaysholidaysorbetweenthehoursofmidnight

andthree.Offervalidforthisblogpostonly.allcomplaintsmustbeinwriting.Mustbe21yearsofageorolder.MustbeaU.S.citizen.Not

validforemployeesorrelativesofgusorsteveheimoff.Allapplicationsmustbeaccompaniedbyathousanddollarbill.minimumsignup

period:sixmonths.costsmaychangewithnopriornotification.resultsnotguaranteed.consultanattorneybeforeacceptingthisofferand

askyourdoctorifyouarehealthyenoughtomakeafortune.Additionalchargesmayapply.)

Still wondering if it’s too good to be true? Well, IT’S NOT!!! Here are some testimonials from REAL PEOPLE just like you, or they were just like you—LOSERS!–before they discovered SMOG and finally discovered the secret to happiness!

J.L., Peoria IL. I was completely in the dark until I discovered SMOG. Believe me, Gus is amazing! Now I’m living in a huge mansion with servants and butlers and I only have to work 1 hour a day! If that!

R.P., Canoga Park CA. OMG, SMOG so works! I had, like, tried everything but nothing worked for me!!!! Now the orders are coming in like crazy!! I’m, like, crazy popular now with the kids!!!! Thank you, thank you Mr. Gus!!!

R.P., Boston MA. My congratulations to Gus and the entire staff of SMOG for changing my life! I was poor, not anymore. Now, my staff handles all the grunt work while I’m on my YACHT in the South Pacific!

J.R., Hong Kong. I’ve never been happier. My financial life is amazing, and I now have the time for love. Gus, will you be “Best Dog” at my wedding?

A.G., Seattle. I thought I was too old, at 14, to really “get” digital communications. But with Gus’s help and the whole SMOG team, I feel like I’m eight again! Thanks, guys!

C.O., Baghdad. We’re doing really well, considering. Gus, do you know how to load a rocket-propelled grenade launcher? And what should I do when the wifi is down?

J.R., Pittsburg. Can I please have my money back? This is my second request.

J.B., Castro Valley CA. I’m couldn’t be pleaseder, and it only took me ten minutes to learn them all with your amazing SMOGAlert!© system which was so easy to use.

* * *

As you can see from these unsolicited testimonials, tens of thousands of satisfied SMOG users are experiencing the BLISS of social media success! Don’t think twice, sign up TODAY and you’ll find yourself rolling in dough! Your money back, guaranteed, if not fully satisfied.

(Disclaimer:Offerappliesonlytothosewhosignupinthenextthirtyseconds,notvalidinanyU.S.stateorits territories,sorryboutthat)

ABOUT OUR FOUNDER, GUS

After graduating from Harvard, M.I.T. and Stanford with degrees in economics, business and veterinary medicine, Gus moved to San Francisco, where he discovered SOCIAL MEDIA and quickly became one of the most sought-after dogs in town. Despite his busy schedule, he started SMOG in his condo. The results have been evident. Gus has won the American Wine Dlog Award for the last 17 years, and his Twitter followers number nearly 4 billion, more than even 1WineDude and the Geiko Lizard. He is the founder of doggiedoodoo.com, the leading canine social networking site in the world, and has been nominated for the Nobel Piss Prize.

How could you not trust a Selfie this cute?

Would I lie?

 

 

 

  1. redmond barry says:

    It would be nice to have a video of Dan Aykroyd doing that spiel, while holding a wary Gus in his sweaty arms.

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