You don’t say!
Amazing! Who would have thought it? All this time, men believed that the way into a girl’s, err, heart was to not let her drink alcohol. Generations of horny teenaged jocks went to great lengths to hide the liquor when Sherry or Sally came over, lest she imbibe some hooch and become unavailable. Now, we find out it’s just the opposite!
Don’t you hate when that happens? I mean, when Science proves something that’s not supposed to be true? It’s like when we were told that bears really do defecate in the woods. That really shook me. It is never a pleasant thing to have one’s core beliefs upset, but Truth is a demanding mistress we are compelled to obey when she cracks the whip.
Anyhow, the Italian researchers had the ladies drink a bottle of Chianti, and then gave them “a questionnaire to assess their interest in sex.” Through much hard journalistic prodding, I managed to get my hands on the questionnaire. And fortunately, because of my Ligurian background (we were originally the Heimoffscenti), I’m able to translate it for you into English. Here are some of the more cogent questions:
What does the Leaning Tower of Pisa remind you of?
Are you feeling tired? Would you care to lie down on the couch and take off your shoes?
Would you like some more wine?
Some chocolate candies?
Is that better?
How much longer can you stay?
The Italian researchers did not conduct a similar study on men to see if wine increases their sex drive, although there is anecdotal evidence that it may. I invite my male readers to weigh in on this topic. Feel free to attach jpegs.