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You don’t say!

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Florence, Italy – Italian researchers claim that levels of sexual desire were higher in women who had drunk a couple of glasses of red wine…

Amazing! Who would have thought it? All this time, men believed that the way into a girl’s, err, heart was to not let her drink alcohol. Generations of horny teenaged jocks went to great lengths to hide the liquor when Sherry or Sally came over, lest she imbibe some hooch and become unavailable. Now, we find out it’s just the opposite!

Don’t you hate when that happens? I mean, when Science proves something that’s not supposed to be true? It’s like when we were told that bears really do defecate in the woods. That really shook me. It is never a pleasant thing to have one’s core beliefs upset, but Truth is a demanding mistress we are compelled to obey when she cracks the whip.  

Anyhow, the Italian researchers had the ladies drink a bottle of Chianti, and then gave them “a questionnaire to assess their interest in sex.” Through much hard journalistic prodding, I managed to get my hands on the questionnaire. And fortunately, because of my Ligurian background (we were originally the Heimoffscenti), I’m able to translate it for you into English. Here are some of the more cogent questions:

What does the Leaning Tower of Pisa remind you of?

pisa

Are you feeling tired? Would you care to lie down on the couch and take off your shoes?

Would you like some more wine?

Some chocolate candies? 

Is that better? 

How much longer can you stay?

The Italian researchers did not conduct a similar study on men to see if wine increases their sex drive, although there is anecdotal evidence that it may. I invite my male readers to weigh in on this topic. Feel free to attach jpegs.

  1. Lies, it’s all lies, leave it to the Italians to come up with such a load! I for one have never noticed the way my shoulders soften, the way I can feel every strand of my hair as it dances across my skin, the way my breath gets more labored, the way my teeth dig into my bottom lip….least not after Chianti!

  2. Jim Caudill says:

    Samantha, I believe Steve asked for photos….

  3. This is a good dose of daily levity…

    I wonder what a good dose of wine will do after reading this?

  4. A good dose of wine is usually my policy for everything!

  5. Megghen Driscol says:

    Geeze, and we can’t even make “health” claims in the US!

  6. Morton Leslie says:

    I did considerable independent research in this area in the ’60 and early ’70 probably before these Italian scientists learned to walk. While none of my work was published (many were relieved) I did put forward a theory on wine and human pheromones. Since that time other investigators have shown that the smell of androstadienone, a chemical component of male sweat, maintains higher levels of cortisol in females and therefore substitutes as an pheromone-like attractant. It’s probably that sweaty smell in Sangiovese that has historically made the men of Firenze so attractive and successful with women. As further evidence, I found that, at least in college, a bottle of Chianti particularly in the fiasco bottle with the straw basket seemed to temporarily make me convincingly, and reproducibly, Florentine in all respects.

    And later, that bottle made a good candle holder.

  7. Gee, and all this time I thought it was the alcohol!

  8. You must agree that one wine’s beauties is its diversity – in flavor, color, stillness, brilliance, sweetness and certainly its aroma.

    IMHO Chianti should be herbed/almost garriguey, most like – oregano?

    To test my own memory I just dug out a bunch of spice bottles and tried Herbes de Provence first…close, but TM lavender. Oreg -nooo! but maybe at 10% with equal parts basil, rosemary and marjoram. I have often had occasion to say of many, particularly sweet, floral and earthy wines, that the ladies present would be lucky to have some of it dabbed on as perfume -presque partout- to be savored and enjoyed immediately and later!
    Vive la fragrance!

    I think we are defined by our genes to a large extent, certainly in our abilities to taste and smell – we are programmed differently- so one man’s 73 PC Volnay is another’s 00 Auslese, etc. Tuscany, certainly Chianti, should have a hint of tapenade…but the best aromatically IMHO have been slightly sweeter than the most exciting flavors of Charmes-Chambertin 82, Bonnes Mares 76,7,9 Clos Vougeot, etc. (no shit, on the nose).

    They would likely be somewhat honeyed Rieslings dancing like liquid pollen, freed from the slate- those 7and 8 abv’s from Zilliken, Von Othegraven und co in der Mosel…lime-infused ethereal magic.
    For some time I have thought and taught in terms of flavor as units, ROI/QPR whatever you want to call value..and you can graph out your own gustatory ‘Scoville* units of flavor’, GSU for short…so 97GSU/20$us
    =xy99? Some Madeiras must be included as well, for me- some cost little lots cost hundreds…as the best of all time, BOAT

    Chile peppers are measured this way, Habs kicking in way up, others much less so…I will add some graphs later.

    Sorry I got carried away…on this delicate subject!

  9. so to speak of course!

  10. Big shout out to Morton for being there as well

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